What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 01:44
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
How do you know how physically attractive you actually are?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What are the pros and cons of banning homosexuality?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
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Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So whats the point in blame.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
What are some cute stories with your crush?
She found it foreign!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
How do people break a narcissist man's ego?
One cannot live in the past .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
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So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
How do I get a white man for a serious relationship?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I think the readers, may guess!
He resisted the act ,that day.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was seconnd youngest,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I write beautiful poetry .
She was in good health!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was 9 years of age.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I have no regrets .
All the time i was locked up.
We all went to grammer schools
When she asked me how she looked .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Would this be the day?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was very sick at this time too.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Who then, do I blame.?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She married twice! .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She wouldn,t have been !
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was scared of men, in general
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i lived it daily.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im still living with it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She loved him until the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What did i know ?
I will be 64.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But it wasn’t much.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Put me off passion for life!!
Comes on , in middle age.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I waited trembling.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I said to her
I couldn’t, believe it.
My family never makes their pension either.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
This is soul school!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We were not on the streets..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My life is so biszare .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
It was going to be , some day.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He knew the spot.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But, we were locked up after school.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Ive learnt so much.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!